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Good Friday

September 18, 2009

Good Friday!! Yes yes, I am at work, hopefully itll just be a short day today, but we’ll see! got an important errand to run after work. Aunt coming into town, can’t wait. Been playing alot mahjong lately, LOL. man…

Didn’t go to work yesterday sick as hell, but after I went to see the doc well you know, she put me on some “goodies” knock me the fuck out lastnight. feelin’ good this morning! Yes them drugs. MmM kekekek

^^ soundin’ a bit like a druggie there, muh bad. Im just all over the place today, muh fault folks! another thing been bothering me is that:…. I better not. Lemme see what happens first then I’ll spill it. so yeah as always me and choco talking about the “deeper things” of life. Bout how can someone just put their trust on someone, the other does something to jepordize that trust, and then get back into the “swing” of things again. I mean I would have to agree with choco, really disways anyone from wanting to get into a “serious” relationship these days. Each time you set yourself up for hurt. *sigh* but I guess thats part of life..well.. love right? Part of being human. Can’t really prepare yourself to never be hurt, because hurt is inevitable and unavoidable if you give that person your trust and love. Really sad, how some people just disregard that, take it for granted.

I guess what I’m trying to say is the best way to avoid being hurt, in that sense, is to avoid being in a relationship or try to control your feelings if you do decide to be with someone. Other than that, you’ll get hurt one way or another. I know I shouldn’t or anyone shouldn’t live life with regrets but their are a few things that I wish I could’ve changed or done differently.And for those who know me, know what I’m talking about.If not, then obviously its for me to keep, you know let it linger. Like whispers in the dark, can’t be seen but can be heard, can be felt and you know its there. So yeah right now, as far as love life goes, I hold alot in my plate, cause I simply can’t decide what to do. Even though I know exactly what I should do, I’m not sure if I want to do it quite yet. But as choco would put it, what you do now,cha, doesn’t really matter. It will not change the outcome of the things to come. Wether it happens now or later it will happen.

It’s like from the “get-go” I didn’t expect to develope anything with her, but shit happens and knowing the type person I am, first hand, it was inevitable for me to feel this way regardless of outcome. I simply am a “needy” kind of person. and my needs should be a want, and someone can “want” something all they want but doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get it. I guess my want is starting to be a “need” since I “cave” into my desires more than I should. One day hopefully, I will be able to control myself and not satisfy my thirst for my desires to come true. You gotta limit yourself, you know. If you don’t then it can be fatal.

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