Archive for August, 2009

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Weekend certainly went by pretty quick

August 31, 2009

Weekend certainly went by pretty quick. Went to a party, played mahjong there, and even got penalized. LOL its all to the good, I lost everything I gained, so inturn I didn’t lose any money. i said I DIDN’T LOSE ANY MONEY!!! LOL but I know someone who lost the money for me. LOL. man….

Things are startin’ to look better for me now, not stressing over BS I can’t help. Going with the flow of things. Some crazy kat, been calling me off the hook this past weekend. Like whoa. 1 miss col, 2 miss col, 3 mis col, 4. hours past, 3 mis col and i finally pick up. What can I say? when Im playing that ‘jong I dont pay attention to time or the phone. I’m tellin’ yeah it kills time quick, we start like 6 or something, end up not going home till morning time. Even then we still wanna play. So anyway back to what i was saying, well this kat right, which will remain nameless until I see fit to mention her, until then shes just another kat in the alley. and for those of you thinking, “oh shit cha, is it like that?!” Naw homie it aint like that, just you know gotta keep “thangs” on the low. Know how people like to run them gums. I hate to assume and I hate it when people think they can read minds. So i’ll leave everything up in the air. Anyway I get weird vibes from her and this is another case where you can say, “actions speak louder than words!” yup yup. She wanna tell me one thing, then act totally different. weird me out dude. So yeah enough about her, shes too time consuming more than I wish to give her of my time anyway. See people like that shouldn’t be given the time of day, and I guess she realizing it too. Then there’s other kat who called me in the middle of the night also. Was tellin’ she got some “thangs” she need to talk to me about. Felt kinda bad for her, she didn’t sound to good on the phone. I haven’t seen this chick in a minute, not since I worked with her back in the day. You know when someone calls you and they sound all upset, and the more you ask whats wrong the more they curl up and get quite to prevent from causing an outburst of emotions. Thats what I got from her. Wish I couldve done something for her, but she had to go. Can’t make someone stay on the phone if they dont want to or cant. So I hope shes doing ok. Atleast until I can actually see her and talk to her about her issue.

Another thing that just “erks” me is when you can predict an outcome. Gawd… im not saying I’m Ms. Cleo or whatever but sometimes certain situations just can be seen through. *sigh* well again another issue that i need not to concern myself with…

still having trouble sleeping at night. especially on sunday nights. Just can’t sleep. Tried every sleeping pill there is but my insomnia has taken great disregard to all of them. I just feel restless, feel like something is missing. Just can’t put my thoughts as to what it is. so yeah as I described before, im laying there talking to whoever on the phone until whenever, 3 am rolls around i feel drowsy 30 mins later im out… but i wake up again at 5 to go to work. I feel hella hella tired but noone to blame but myself. Here at work, light is killing me. Headache has taken a strong hold of me and lashing me about the room. Thoughts are starting to come back to mind, its pure torture im tellin yeah. pure torture.

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Morning Folks!

August 31, 2009

Morning Folks! Was talking to Choco about Jland lastnite. And we still haven’t discussed the date for it. I was telling her sometime in fall would be nice. Gonna do some more research on it today. Places to go, people to see, but most of all booty calls to pick up on. hahahahah

So yeah here I am at work,chillin. Not busy so far today, I am glad. Was talking to bossman, who happens to be a good friend of mine, was comparing values of yesterday and of today. Just isnt the same. But then again, it really all depends how you were brought up and if choose to leave by values. Gives a person a base ground you know. anyway I could get into it long details and all, mainpoint being is, you just don’t see the commitment, the sacrifice, the compromise in relationships anymore. I didn’t live in the “golden” era were people actually truly loved someone and actually married them for sincere reasons, now days as bossman would put it, ” …Get a good hard on, hit it, thne run off and say: i love you, lets get married..” tsk tsk. I cannot tell a lie, at times the sex is so great that i even succomb to that. Atleast feel that way. hehehe. Hey atleast I’m willing to admit it, not like others who’ll be in denial until its too late. Also a category I fall under at times.

*sighs* well have a good day folks… gonna eat some breakfast now… MmMm noodles!

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Just woke up a lil’ bit awhile ago

August 8, 2009

*sighs* back home now. Just woke up a lil’ bit awhile ago.( this was like at 8 or 9pm) I made it back home from H-town/Galveston in about 2 hours and 45 mins and no speeding tickets. hehehe. so neway going back this weekend with Choco. Been a minute since me and her have gone back together. Definately something to look forward to. Go back to our second home… H-town. say wha? hehe.

well still haven’t got any sleep. really hard to get any these days. Not that I’m such a busy person, not by far, just you know when your mind is full of thoughts and it’s like your heart is trying to say something to you and you dont know which of the two you should follow, its impacted me a great deal. My body is runnin’ on batteries recharged for only a few hours, then I start to crash but even then my eyes don’t shut. they stay open. I’m feeling the fatigue. So then my best friend asks me, why dont you sleep? I dont even have an answer for her.
the quietness, the stillness, the moments I am alone (which now is often) weakens me to a state of despair. If I died and was sent to that place they call hell, this would be it.

right now on the phone with tess, can’t wait to see her before im off I miss her but then theres this other feeling. I don’t know. I’m excited to go cause now I got an opportunity to travel wherever from Philippines onward. My Lola told me we will be going to Singapore and Hong Kong to visit her friends. From there she asked me where I wanted to go for my Birthday. Of course I replied, Japan. She said she also has a few contacts there where we can stay with them. So yeah, im kinda looking forward to going back… then after the fun..school. yup gonna finish for real. unless of course you know already obstacles. Parents squirming around about the properties they bought in the Philippines, guess got more business to take care of when I get back. ughhh.. I don’t like all that. too much hassle. Yeah I’m talkin shit now, but when its all good my ass be the first one there hahaa. dayamm… well yeah gonna go for now peepz.. a long night ahead of me here… *tsuupp*

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Finally Part 3

August 6, 2009

I left the Phils Oct.10th. and Maki went back to her home in Laguna. I came home here to Tess. 1 week from yesterday has passed and I barely go out. Body still confused which time zone to yield to. I’ve been home I go out only when its necessary. for example, food. other than that I’m here at home, in my room. still thinkin’… remenescin’, plannin’, recalculating.. etc. my never ending battle because I choose to fight this battle that will take hold of my very life if im not careful…im tired of typing now.. i wanna lay down so yeah unfinished as always… someone save me from my own brain and heart……. wheng2 where are you when I need you, cousin? I miss you… I thought noone could understand me more than Anny and Steph, but Wheng you understand me. Take care there in Saudi. Careful always ha?!?.. come back home to Phils soon.

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Daily Update Part 2

August 6, 2009

As we all know about Maki. And we also all know about Tess. 2 women in my life. Yeah never thought I would experience that, and how hard it is to choose between the two. OMG, I always thought that my heart was meant for only one. And now I have been faced with this kind of situation. For space sake, ill tell you the story of how I met Maki the next time. But going forward, well present…. I compared notes. I sat alone at the beach thinkin’, cno ba talaga. ( translation: who really is it?) I mean I always believed that people enter our lives for a reason, and while they wonder around our very own realm, your whole plan in life is impacted, changed, modified. So I watched the both of them sleep. I watched Maki sleep next to me for almost 2 months. I watched Tess sleep next to me for a lil’ over 2 years now. can 2 months give way to 2 years? Believe it or not, I don’t mean to sound selfish but its unavoidable, but I wish I can have them both or maybe mold them into 1 person. Theres so much more I need to learn about Maki, but she showed me she is more than willing/capable and more than ready to give me everything to make me happy with her. At the same time, Tess finally realizing what I have given her for the time I was with her back in my “Legacy” days. I always wanted for her to realize she held my life together…. back then. Now, I’m not so sure anymore. Damn it, life is full of tests. I asked for someone to give me another chance. By that I mean, lets go back wayy back in time for just a second…. Anny… ok thats enough. For those who know that story know it well… so yeah, I asked that one day I would come across the same situation again, only the next time hopefully choose whats really right for me. you know, no regrets kinda thing. But no matter how much I evaluated, re-evalute, formulate, reformulate..etc.. my situation im still stumped. No amount of wisdom in the world can truly understand the reasons why the heart is impacted greatly to choose the actions it wants to animate. if that makes any sense at all. ” Love only loves itself ” food for thought. also taken from a movie, dont remember which one right now, but yeah. ^_^. Both of which have spoiled me to a point I feel my soul has become rotten. I also thought of a 3rd option. To lose both of them altogether. An option I wish to not even think about or even consider, but its there. Maybe even so I would not choose it, but it will choose me…..

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Daily Update Part 1

August 6, 2009

Sorry had to refrain from updating needed to surprise “Ma” when she got into town. (Welcome back Ash!) so yeah Cha is back in town. For how long is the question that needs to be answered. Yes Yes, I have options and right now I came home well cause I needed to make sure “certain folks” are doing ok. Can’t leave my peeps hangin. Now got one left to see now that I’m back. So yeah this pass, what?, 2 months? been traveling. Back and forth between two of my beloved homes. Now got job opportunities everywhere I don’t know which to choose. 2 I know would prove very beneficial to my bank account. 1 of which is here in the States the other in Japan. Yeah I got a job hook-up there. Phils I can go and work there too, but its not really that beneficial to the pocket (unless my plans of my very own business click) more like beneficial to the wholesomeness of my happiness. “Pops” always told me she knew I was gonna end up there one way or another. It’s true I will end up living there one way or another. sooner or later in my life. Made in the U.S.A with a heart solely made for the Philippines. so let me rewind and let u all know what I’ve been doing there in Phils these past 2 months, let see where do I start?..
*cha takes a deep breath* well I touch down Aug. rested, had some fun. well always had fun.. then the fun and games started to get old then I felt the reality of living there. The hardships, I felt “Philippines” to its fullest. The heat, the jeep rides, eating in the corner of some random food stand. My Lola decided if I wanted to live there I needed to learn how to “live” there. So I experienced it. everything from washing my own clothes by hand to no a/c ,well sometimes. hehehe. And yeah I got hella sick there too. But noone knew about that but Maki. Took care of some property business there. All in the making… thinking of ideas of what else i can turn lil’ money into a pile of even more money. So i sat there and thought and at the same time spent some quality time with the family back home. For the first few weeks I was there I wanted to come back to the States. Everything I took for granted was no longer such a luxury for me to do so, including hot showers. I couldnt step out of the shower without feeling dirty all over again, or rubbing my hands with rubbing alcohol. I couldn’t go newhere without wearing socks just cause I have this thing with my feet being clean. I couldnt go newhere riding the jeep without hords of “locals” staring at me like im an “alien”. lmao. Didn’t bother me much. I wasn’t as dark as most of them. See when your lighter than the average pinoy (skin color wise) they dont expect you to ride the jeep cause ur considered “above average” wealth wise there. But other foreigners were just ignored as they , including me,started to be seen everywhere. Everyone from Koreans , Japanese, to Puti. But nontheless I took jeep. cause my Lola taught me to survive there using the local transportation. Afterawhile I loved it, didnt wanna go newhere without riding it. Unless of course far away places like the mall or the casino. hehehe. So ok, i made my adjustments. I started to see things arent so bad once u get used to them. Afterall, I spoke the language I ate what was natural to me to eat, thanks to my parents I wasn’t a complete “stateside brat” I don’t think I wouldve have lasted in the Phils, “locally” without being able to understand and speak my native tongue. so time passed, hords of paper work with titles of paper work for properties bought. Then plans of development for the beach resort in Bohol, the house in Maolboal, the apt. building going to be built for income there. everything is set, right? Naw its not, cause I still find myself wanting more. well needing more. See the downside of being there back at home in the Phils is that everywhere you turn ur spending money. So U.S dollar conversion to the Philipino Peso is significant. Still need to make more U.S. dollar and bring it back home. So by now your thinking, whats the problem come home to the States work/study and go back right? I’m not contented with my life that way. My heart is so far away from the States, like a laptop running on its batteries, it’ll only last for so long before I have to be recharged again. Its the same thing. It’s like I always wanna be there. ok ok so enough about the explanation with that whole financial thing there. Let get down to why I was really really there in the first place.

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Ughhh i got TAGGED by mama Mooch

August 6, 2009

Ground Rules: The 1st player of this “game” starts with the topic “What attracts you the most about the opposite sex”  In my rainbow list case, “What attracts you the most about the same sex” list 7 things! And people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry about the TOPIC as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their xanga IDs. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “You are tagged” in their xanga and tell them to read yours.

1. Face: gotta have a cute face. Yup thats like number one for me. Don’t gotta be drop dead gorgeous but gotta have that something. Then again beauty are in the eyes of the beholder…

2. gotta have nice set of teeths: Ima have to agree with mooch on that. A nice set of grill. Don’t wanna make her laugh and all of sudden see a resemblence with HillBilly Joan. hahah

3. personality: another one i gotta agree on. Gotta be sweet, considerate.. but then I like a lil’ sassy flavor in it too..

4. hygene: Yup yet another one me and Mooch see eye to eye on. The woman gotta be clean.. if possible *makes squeaky clean noise* squeaky clean… in ALL areas

5. Responsible: Someone who can hold on their own. yup.

6. Gotta have a decent shape- I dont mean to be pretentious or anything but I love to cuddle. I’m not saying gotta have that drop dead gorgeous Angelina Jolie body (mm hmm) but hey give me some nice curves and I’ll be happy.

7. Asian- I guess thats my thang.. I don’t mind others but Asians hit me the most.. Particularly my Pinay Woman.. OMG mMmMm…. YUP my number one preference. But Cha aint too picky.. LOL